Choosing Weakness

Right. So we’ll just start from most current and go back from there. No one wants to know what it was like at the beginning. And I certainly wouldn’t know where to start.

My most recent endeavor was with a very good looking fella who I met through my cousin. We all went to the same school but he graduated about 8 years before me. This should have been a good sign that he was a mature gentleman that knew what he wanted out of life. And he portrayed himself as such.

After my cousin gave him my number, it took him two days to finally use it. Once he did though, he bestowed upon me a mass amount of information about himself. Much more information than any person should learn the first week of knowing someone. But I understood that he didn’t want to begin a relationship will all kinds of skeletons in his closet since we have mutual friends and the possibility of certain things slipping out during casual conversation was imminent. And by the way, that’s what he said he wanted: a relationship.

He specifically told my cousin and later, me, that he did not want a hook up and that he was looking for someone who wanted something real. So we met in person a few days later, which was a few days before we actually planned on meeting. He came to my house and told me some VERY deep shit about his past, for which I didn’t judge him because the past is the past. And although I couldn’t live up to the depth of the secrets he told me, I gave him what I could.

That morning I worked out for two hours and he knew it, so he offered a massage. Now, we all know what massages lead to but surely I had the willpower not to let that happen. Right?

We proceeded to my bedroom where he tried to convince me that my shirt, bra, shorts, will be in the way for this massage but I told him to work around it. Intercepted! We continued getting to know each other through questions about each others families while the massage was taking place, and he continued to pull my loose fitting shorts lower and lower. After he was done, his confident attitude suddenly turned coy as he began to ask me if I would watch him jerk off.

I won’t get into extreme details, but watching him jerk off in a step-by-step manner lead to full on intercourse which I’m sure he had planned on, and where I failed completely at the promise that I wouldn’t. Then again he did say him and his last girlfriend slept together on the first date and they were together two years.

After that, we made some plans to get together for a movie later in the week, and to go to a party a few weeks from then together. He left, and text me not long after about what a good time he had and he can’t wait to see me Wednesday. Had I finally found someone that was going to stick around for a bit? Someone I would have a actual shot forming a real relationship?

The next morning he didn’t text or call, even though he had been doing so in the days prior. So I sent him a good morning text and he responded within 5 seconds. The rest of the conversation was very short. I called him that evening and he said he was at the store with his kids but said he’d call me later. And he didn’t call.

The next day he text me like normal and let me know what he was doing and that he wanted to talk to me later on the phone. And he didn’t call.

The day after that, I text him to ask if everything was ok, to which his response was he thought he found his real dad and he was out of town dealing with that but he would call me later. I asked him if he was actually going to call this time to which he responded he would make an honest effort to at least text, and he did neither.

Date day. Our movie was to start at 7:40p and by 4:30p I hadn’t heard from him. So I text to ask what time I should be ready, to which he replied “Oh sorry, we may have to reschedule. I’m still out of town and I don’t think I’m gonna be done in time.”

Had I not text him, I’m almost positive he wouldn’t have text me, so I consider this being stood up. I text him and asked if I he could squeeze me in for a five minute phone conversation later in the day and he didn’t respond, or call.

I didn’t hear from him the next day.

The day after that, a Friday, I called him from my desk phone and he answered, which confirmed to me that I was being ignored and it wasn’t that he was just too busy to take 10 seconds to return a text message. He told me he needed to talk to me about something, but it was so hard for him to say and that he had asked several people for advice, but he didn’t think he could deal with my dogs, the fur, the dust they bring and the clutter in my house, as he has OCD. And that he thought his youngest would be afraid of the dogs and he couldn’t bring her around.

OK. Fair enough. I told him if he really couldn’t deal with all that, then we should just go our separate ways. He told me to wait, that he needed to think about things first and he had so much going on in his life that he really just didn’t have a chance to think it through. I gave him three opportunities to walk away, in case he was doing the “nice guy” thing and didn’t want to be the jerk in the conversation. He still told me to wait.

Two days later, he text my cousin that nothing is going to happen with us and that he was sorry. Has he told me himself? To this day? No. No, he hasn’t.

At the end of every endeavor I start to pick apart everything that went wrong and decide if there is actually something wrong with me. Aside from the fact I am not the tidiest person in the world, I think I gave him enough space while still trying to obtain the information I needed. Despite what might be considered red flags, I was still understanding and gave him the benefit of the doubt. And as usual, it bit me in the butt.

That’s the most recent story I have to explain why dating sucks.

You are your own fat friend.

If you’ve gone through any kind of transformation, you realize you can get all kinds of attention when you post a before and after picture side by side. This is the equivalent of hanging out with your fat friend where you’ll always look better in comparison. I mean, you could look pretty good now, but you look really good standing next to your old self.

I did this today, and not only did it come with a slew of compliments, including one with a kissy face from my old trainer and friend that I’ve had a crush on for many years, but also a few underlying propositions for a no strings attached relationship.  One in particular is about 10 years younger than I am that I met through much older friends. I don’t care about the age,  but the association makes me feel weird. I felt bad telling him no. I would hate to put myself out there and get rejected. And the fella was very persistent.  But still, no.

As I go along I should probably include a little (or a lot) of backstory so my outlook on things is explained better. Two posts in a row seems promising, so so we’ll shoot for more tomorrow.

Old Hat

Adj. 1. old-hat – used to refer to something considered uninteresting, predicable, tritely familiar, or old-fashioned.

This describes my love life. Not because I date fellas who think I’m a “choice bit of calico” or because they get too fresh and I have to tell them to put an egg in their shoe and beat it. It more closely refers to the first part of the definition. Over and over and over. The old-fashioned part refers to the actual notion of meeting someone who actually wants a real relationship.

dancing couple

So this is my blog about dating, etc. Something that is also very old-hat. But perhaps keeping a record of it will help me see a pattern, possibly allow me to realize I might be bat-shit crazy, and may potentially be sort of entertaining for the readers, if there are any. Welcome to screwed up life of perpetual singleness.